Welfareloser's Blog

when you could have five? yep, it’s a boy. little turd. after checking out the skull, kidneys, heart, etc, the sonographer finally moved down low and asked, “do you want to know what you’re having?” looking at the screen, i saw a smooth expanse of skin with a cleft. apparently, positiverolemodel saw it the same way i did, because he said, “it’s a girl, right?” the sonographer said, “uuuh, see that there? that’s umbilical cord…. and so’s that… and that isn’t.” ah. so we were just checking out our son’s chode. a bit forward of that, the jumbly bits were clearly visible. i shall remain hopelessly outnumbered. oh well.

i told evilgremlin when i picked him up from school.

me: so, i went to the doctor today, and they took some more pictures of the baby, and guess what they saw?

EG: what?

me: it’s a boy!

EG: WHAT? AWWWWWW MAN! when are we going to have a sister?!?!?

me: uh, never.

EG: WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY?

me: uh, no.

EG: but we don’t HAVE a sister yet! you can’t stop now!

possible replies that occured to me at that point: “watch me, dude.” or, “your uncle nodamnsense seems to think that’s impossible, since my eggs are probably the only ones on earth that all carry Y chromosomes.” or, “start saving your money now, and in a few years you can buy a chinese or guatamalan sister.”

the twits’ reactions were a little less volatile, probably because they not only barely know the difference between boys and girls, but also because they strongly suspect something has broken inside my head every time i start talking about a baby and pointing to my belly. the closest either of them came to commenting on the situation was when spazmonkey popped his head up over the exam table and looked at the blue gel the sonographer had spread on my belly.

SM: WHASSISSAT?

me: lotion.

SM: DAT’S NOT WOTION. DAT’S EEEEEEVIL WOTION.

PRM: dude, evil lotion would be red. that lotion’s blue.

SM: OKAY! EEEEWWWWWW! GEDDITOFF! *smacka* *smacka*

me: don’t hit the baby.

SM: I NOT HITTIN, I TICKLE! *smacka* *smacka* holds up hand covered in the bule gel he was trying to smack off my belly and looks at it in horror EEEWWWWWW! wipes it off on his shirt and hops back down to the floor to play cars with dramaqueen.

anyway. my friends all find this hilarious (mostly because almost all of them have penises of their own, and know damn well how funny those things are.) my girlfriend mindy did manage to express some sympathy as she laughed.

so… plan QQ: all the boys can share one room. i get the extra bedroom. i will call it my “office.” i will paint it vagina pink, and put a sign on the door that says “no boys allowed.”