Welfareloser's Blog

okay. bratz dolls.

i get it. simple concept. barbie, only dumber, younger, shittier attitude, and a much wider vagina. if i had to choose a toy for a little girl, it wouldn’t be my first choice. but, whatever. not my problem.

okay. then they upped the ante. bratz babyz.

what. the. bloody. fuck.

okay, the dolls that look like teenagers trying desperately to get laid by rich older men? riding a line. the dolls that look like BABIES that go to a preschool run by paris hilton and lindsay lohan? crossing a line. obliterating a line. i’d call bratz babyz the horsemen of the apocalypse, except they’d probably try to have sex with the goddamned horse instead of ride it.

i mean, seriously. the teenaged bratz are more hoed up than i have ever been, period – in my ADULT life. it’s kind of messed up that we’re handing these dolls by the millions to pre-teen girls – dolls with cleavage, snotty attitudes, obnoxious amounts of bling, and jeans that ride even lower than my freakin under-belly maternity pants ever did. but hey, teenagers are sexual beings, whether that makes any of us uncomfortable or not. but the babyz? it’s EXTREMELY messed up that the baby version has low-rider, blinged-up DIAPER, texas cheerleader hair, and fuck-me eyes… and parents are actually buying this shit for their little girls, too.

i would sooner hand my hypothetical daughter a playboy magazine – more class, more realistic body image promoted, and goddammit, the articles are awesome, too. isn’t this a little scary? i mean, we’ve found a way to turn little girls into dick-seeking bitches at an earlier age than even child beauty pageants can manage! yay!

now, i’m someone who laughs and rolls my eyes at people who see the impending downfall of civilization in video games, rap music, poor test scores, etc. but, damn. don’t we have rules about sexualizing babys? if these dolls were sold at adult novelty stores and called “spank me, daddy!” dolls, people would be in jail. but we call them “bratz babyz,” and sell them to little girls instead of adults.

this rant brought to you by the fact that there’s a bratz movie coming out. the trailer showed your typical high school girls – you know, ultra-thin, hoed up 20-somethings, prancing and squealing around expensive cars and clothes.

playboy bunny ears. teeny bikini. i wish i was making this up. i wouldn’t be surprised if there are stage mothers out there right now dressing up their 18-month-old girls in thong diapers and pasties in the hopes of getting them a part in “bratz 2: babyz turning tricks.”

i don’t need to say anything bad about the person who invented bratz babyz, since h’s already won himself a post as satan’s peg-boy… but fuck anyone who’s ever bought bratz babyz.