and it is good. so far, so good, anyway.
evilgremlin is in second grade, and the school is two blocks from our house. since this is one of the best public school districts in the country, nobody really sends their kids to private schools, and all his friends from the neighborhood go to school with him. he’s said a few ominous things – hints of disasters to come – like, “the work just gets more boring every time you get into a higher grade” and “mom, i SWEAR, i see other kids wear their heelys to school ALL THE TIME.” but mostly, he comes home and says he had fun, which is all i could ask. i did get stopped by his principal on my way to pick him up one day, which made me cringe, expecting the worst…
PRINCIPAL: so, mrs. loser, evilgremlin called me over to talk at lunch today.
ME: okay…
PRINCIPAL: we have older kids who act as lunchroom helpers – clean up trays, sweep the floor. and he pointed at them and said, “you know you’re violating child labor laws?”
ME: he said that?
PRINCIPAL: yep! you’ve got a future political activist there!
as nodamnsense always says, if we can just keep him to using his powers for good instead of evil, we’ll all be fine. in other words, mama don’t let your babies grow up to be republicans.
now, the twits started at their new preschool. just like their last preschool, and evilgremlin’s preschool, it’s at yet another missouri synod lutheran church – for some reason, this particular denomination is willing to save the souls of potty-trained 3-5 year olds cheaper than anyone else. the meet-and-greet last week went well enough… they were clean and well-behaved, didn’t make any animal noises, and responded appropriately to questions, which is about as much as i could ever hope for out of them. there was one slightly off-kilter exchange while spazmonkey was coloring a jesus coloring sheet.
SPAZMONKEY: LOOK WHAT I MAKE IT!
TEACHER: oh, that’s very nice! look at all the colors!
SPAZMONKEY: HE’S LIKE A RAINBOW!
TEACHER: i see that! but you made jesus’s beard blue.
SPAZMONKEY: I KNOW! HE’S JESUS BLUEBEARD! HE’S A PIRATE!
DRAMAQUEEN: ARRRRRRR!
the teacher didn’t look impressed, but she didn’t really look offended, either, so we’re going to file that somewhere between “cute” and “blasphemous” and just not worry about it.
i arrived about five minutes early to pick them up after their first day, so i got to see them playing on the playground. spazmonkey was digging in the sand with another little boy, successfully sharing a toy, and dramaqueen was going up the ladder and down the slide on the play structure with a couple of other boys. all is well! then it was time to line up. SM wound up near the front of the line, and DQ near the back. now, i think they’ve figured out that they can’t cut in line, but that didn’t prevent them from trading places in line – several times before the line started moving, they’d look at each other, and then both dart out in an arc on opposite sides of the line, neatly sliding into the other’s vacant spot before the teacher noticed. because hey, standing in a line that isn’t even moving yet is boring.
so then the line started moving. as i watched, DQ started out slowly, allowing a large gap to form between himself and the girl ahead of him. he gradually sped up, the three kids behind him speeding up right along with him. then, when he had closed the gap and was moving at a fairly quick trot, he stopped dead in his tracks, bent his knees a bit to lower his center of gravity for stability, and peeked over his shoulder with a shit-eating grin on his face to watch the kids behind him stumble into each other, eventually coming to rest in a pile at his back.
yep. and this is just the shit they think up at age 4.
