party in the crib! party on the futon! party on the sleigh bed! wooooooooooooo!
motherfucker. which is why i’m hiding down here to tell y’all this little story.
so today was the twits’ field trip to the herbert hoover presidential library. as you may have noticed if you’ve been reading my blog for a while, i don’t look forward to field trips. so i was afraid this one would suck ass, but it was actually okay. there were about 30 different christmas trees up, the nice old lady who led the tour showed them all the trees, read them a story, and showed them a cartoon in a little movie theater. yay, age-appropriate activities!
she also asked them a few open-ended questions. as you may have noticed if you’ve been reading my blog for more than a week, i dread my childrens’ answers to any question, especially non-multiple-choice ones.
“so what do you like to do when you’re outside in the snow?”
CHILD 1: i like to throw snowballs!
CHILD 2: i make snowman!
CHILD 3: i play!
CHILD 4: i forgot!
SPAZMONKEY: i like to hunt bad guys and shoot them! with guns! and then i punch them like this! and then i jump on them! (despite the nice old lady moving on to the next child, spazmonkey continued to detail for several minutes all the ninja-style badassery that he would perpetrate on the fallen bad guys.)
CHILD 5: i build a snowman!
CHILD 6: i make snowmen and snowballs and snow angels! and i eat snow! and i build snowmen!
DRAMAQUEEN: i punch a snowman in the head!
NICE OLD LADY: oh, honey, that’s not nice! whyever would you do that?
DRAMAQUEEN: because he farted!
the other parents laughed, too. yay, social conservatives who appreciate the value of a fart-joke sneak-attack! that’s kind of a rare breed!
