because that’s how i roll.
so yesterday, the university and hospital sent out an alert that there was an “active shooter” at large in the city. this, after evilgremlin has already walked to school, and i’d dropped the twins off. so, visions of a man sniping randomly from his van flooding my brain, i tune in the news – radio, newspaper and tv station websites – and find that some dude murdered his wife and four kids earlier that morning and he and his tan minivan were AWOL.
okay. so i’m left weighing whether it’s safer to leave the kids in their schools – out of the way schools at the edge of town, all of my kids in classrooms at the backs of the buildings, with access to windowless locking rooms – or to take the baby out on the streets and pick up the other three. the schools are all on lockdown, and i decide they’re safest where they are.
i find a news story that gives the address of the site of the shooting. i plug this into the county tax records website, and find the names of the owners of the modest mcmansion, presumeably the murderer and his wife. googling his name quickly yields the information that he was recently indicted for embezzling half a million dollars from the bank where he was vice president. the bank where we keep our money. right around the corner. google maps put the house a couple of neighborhoods over, less than two miles from our house.
and all i know is that, rather than immediatly killing himself, this dude is has taken off in a van, probably with a gun. what if he decides to shoot up the bank? the grade school? the church? the neighborhood?
do i put the baby down for a nap upstairs in his room, or take him down to the basement? and more importantly, do i load my gun with the big-ass high-velocity turkey load, and only have 3 shots, or do i use the less-damaging shots of which my gun can hold 5?
anyway. by mid-morning, a final alert was released, stating that a burned-beyond-all-recognition 1-vehicle accident on the highway (right around the corner) was the missing vehicle, and the unidentifiable body inside was likely the murderer. drama over, and before evilgremlin even has to wonder why they’re not allowed to play outside for lunch recess. it’s kind of surreal to spend most of the morning imagining your kids dead, and realize that they have no idea that you were ever worried at all. surreal, but nice. nice that they don’t have to worry about ugly stuff like that yet.
so. good to be alive. we annoyed the children with extra hugs all day. and i’m totally getting a handgun for my birthday. hey, i needed it for fly-fishing, anyway.
oh, also? the bank was closed for the day. due to a “security incident,” said the sign in the teller’s window. two hours after all alerts were called off. now, i understand… fair enough to think he might shoot up the bank. fair enough to not want to be the sitting duck in the window. but as i drove past, pissed that i couldn’t make my deposit, i observed three bank employees, standing around their cars in the parking lot, right off the main road. just chit-chatting.
yeah. real scared there, aren’t you? kinda looking like they took the excuse for a free day off and ran with it. my point? bank employees are some of the laziest motherfuckers alive.
