too-frequent and boring status updates. i don’t care what you ate for lunch.
commenting on every single photo every one of your friends ever posts. if you actually have something to say, go for it. but i don’t want my home page to be half-taken up with you saying some bland fucking version of “nice pic!” 18 goddamn times. every. single. day.
commenting on a nasty picture. it’s not the comment itself that’s necessarily wrong; it’s the fact that everyone you are friends with will get a copy of your comment, and the photo, on their homepage. so, for example, if you go to a halloween party where someone’s costume happens to be a hospital gown, and after the keg was getting empty someone lifts the buttflap to reveal some pasty, hairy, man-ass, someone else takes a picture of it, posts it on his facebook account, and then you comment on that photo, all of your friends have to look at that shit the next day, possibly at 6 am before they’ve even had their coffee. just something to think about… *cough* DirtyMartini *cough* *cough*
not taking your turn in a game. don’t prolong your agonizing humiliation.
not accepting your cousin’s friend request. don’t make me kick your ass, again, beavis.
trying to friend everyone who ever went to your high school. there are many levels of friend-list exclusivity. i, for example, limit my friend list to people i know fairly well and plan on hanging out with whenever possible. most other people are less restrictive in who they put on their friend list. it’s not a douche problem until somewhere around the “everyone i’ve ever heard of” level. we have never once exchanged so much as a hello. we’re not friends. go away. friend-list neffing is douchy.
broadcasting a naked solicitation for sympathy. if your status update reads something like “AttentionWhore McDouche is feeling sad,” you’re a douchebag. so don’t be surprised when someone like JokerJitsu throws in, among the “awwww, feel better soon!” comments you were fishing for, something along the lines of “shut up, douchebag.” because there’s love… and then there’s tough love.
harrassing every friend you have to engage in a game of scrabble with you, even when you know they have a real job. having trouble with this one, myself. check your notifications, dammit! it’s your turn!
