there are some bad fencing books out there. in fact, most fencing books are bad. however, “modern saber fencing: techniques, tactics, training, research” by zbigniew borysiuk is the biggest piece of shit i have ever had the misfortune of spending $25 on. i’ve been disappointed by other fencing books; this one, though, left me genuinely pissed. maybe it was just that i got my hopes up for this one, since it was marketed with the following: “It’s been over 50 years since the last English-language book devoted to saber… Saber has been revolutionized … And this book teaches the new saber! The world of saber has changed, and it needs this book!”
no. no, it really doesn’t. it actually needs its $25 and 2 hours much, MUCH more than it needs this book.
my disclaimer: i understand that this dude is a really, really, really good saberist. i get that. i’m sure he could beat my ass 5-0 in about 17 seconds. while blindfolded. and standing on his hands, wielding the saber with his foot. his LEFT foot.
that doesn’t mean that he wrote a good book. he didn’t. he wrote a mostly bad book that is sort of about some random aspects of fencing.
let me break it down:
PAGES 1-47: FLUFF
the author’s opinion of his book. the author’s opinion of himself. the author’s colleague’s opinion of the author and the author’s eminent qualifications to write the book. the obligatory history sections (summary: “in the beginning, there was a planet. then it got people on it who beat the shit out of each other in various creative ways, like fencing. polish fencers were better at it than all y’all other motherfuckers, by the way. then they got this electronic scoring thing going, and fencing sped up. it was cool.”)
PAGES 48-89: THE PART OF THE BOOK THAT IS ACTUALLY WORTH HALF A SQUIRT OF PISS
these slim 42 pages comprise chapter 4: modern saber technique. for just under 18 percent of this otherwise shitty 235 page book, the author at least makes a one-cheeked attempt to offer some instruction in how to fight with a saber. (you know, like the title says.) it’s not even close to a comprehensive list of techniques, and the techniques that are presented are treated with varying levels of detail, ranging from “cursory” to “almost adequate.” but compared to the rest of the book, it was gold.
PAGES 90-115: THE PART WHERE THE AUTHOR SPENT THE LAST OF HIS ADVANCE ON HEROIN AND REALLY STOPPED GIVING A SHIT ABOUT QUALITY (ie, “the turnaround”)
this is chapter 5: modern saber training. as you may have already guessed from the fact that it’s all of 26 pages long, it’s not exactly a complete training program. nor is it a cohesive training philosophy. it’s probably best described as “some random thoughts about a partial list of certain aspects of training, plus a handful of skeleton outlines of sample training sessions.”
PAGES 116-235: AN EXTENDED SESSION OF VERBAL MASTURBATION THAT MAKES ME WANT TO PUT DOWN MY SABER AND PUNCH THE AUTHOR IN THE FACE, THROAT AND BALLS UNTIL HE GIVES ME MY $25 BACK, EVEN THOUGH IT’S NOT NICE TO PUNCH PEOPLE ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM SINCE THEY CAN’T HELP BEING PERPETUALLY UNAWARE OF WHAT DOES AND DOES NOT CONSTITUTE APPROPRIATE SHARING OF INFORMATION.
there’s 10 pages on nutrition, followed by a whopping 49 pages devoted entirely to the topic of “how to predict who’s going to be a champion fencer before they get any training at all.” this section is divided into three chapters for no reason whatsoever. the author got a P-h-fucking-D by doing “scientific” research on this burning issue, and by god, he is going to tell you all the FUCK about it, right down to entire pages of cartoons of people sitting in front of boxes with buttons on them to see how fast they can push them.
and no, i’m not just ridiculing this section because his brilliant research is over my head. i understood every word of it. heck, i’ve done scientific research, too. the difference between me and this stroker, though, is that if i were to write a book about the results of the research i did on diabetes, and then market that book to diabetics in general, with the title “modern diabetes management: treatments, regimens, patient education, research” …i would just tell them that exercise was good for them. i might even spend a sentence or three on the study that led to that conclusion. what i wouldn’t do is spend 49 everfucking pages on the details of running rats on treadmills, cleaning their poop off the shock grid that kept them motivated to run, performing surgeries to induce diabetes and test nerve and muscle function (complete with a cartoon!), throwing the dead rat in a blender, and testing the poop-scented milkshake to see what the little fucker’s fat/muscle ratio was. not that that isn’t interesting as all-git-out; it’s just that that’s not what the fucking book was supposed to be about. i’m just sayin’. but maybe that’s just me!
the whole science-as-crystal-ball-of-fencing-championship meme is especially tiresome since – as the author even admits himself – these abstract qualities tested in simplistic laboratory setting have exactly zero-point-shit to do with whether or not a fencer will turn into a champion.
in the final section, again inexplicably divided into more than one chapter, the author basically spends 38 pages throwing science-themed word-salad at a flowchart of stimuli -> identification -> decision-making -> action. perhaps a grand total of a paragraph or two are on the topic of practical applications in fencing training. the rest is verbiage straight out of shitty articles in 5th-rate non-peer-reviewed journals. and while i’m sure the article he had accepted by the Uzbeki Journal of Sports Medicine, Sexual Deviance, Acupuncture and Farm Animal Psychiatry is gripping reading, there’s a reason i don’t subscribe to that journal, so i don’t need the entire article and then some taking up space in this book i just gave that asshole $25 for.
PAGES 236-359: TACTICS
that’s just a guess. i don’t really know for sure, since my copy of the book stops at page 235.
IN CONCLUSION:
there isn’t a single demographic on the face of the goddamned planet for which this book would be even marginally useful. consider:
novice fencers? it’s too vague to be of any help.
advanced, competitive fencers? it’s too basic.
coaches? the sample lessons are skeletal, and are not presented within the framework of any kind of synthesis or “big picture.” a few ideas from the author’s “scientific” reasearch may be interesting, but the discussion of the ideas doesn’t even approach the realm of application.
creepy eastern european coaches who want to snatch babies from their cribs, test them for optimal fencing characteristics with electrical equipment, and keep the ones that have physiological responses several nanoseconds quicker than their peers so they can pump them full of black-market horse steroids and train them for the olympics 17 hours a day in their basements.?
okay. that demographic might love this book. all seven of them.
did i mention i want my $25 back? fuck.
